Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the condom got lost in my hair
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize