who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
