I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
