I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
