I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
