pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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