90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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