Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think your dad took our porno
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
