I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
