I must be too annoying 4 u.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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