You work out of a Hotel?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
