Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
