How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
