yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
