Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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