Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
