All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
