I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
