my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
