hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found a bag of teeth...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
