She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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