my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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