I heard we made out
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
As shirtless as possible
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
