he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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