Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
