i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
