Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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