If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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