Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
