Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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