I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
