I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
