Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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