I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
