Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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