3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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