it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize