I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
