He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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