I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im drinking this country out of the recession.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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