New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
