Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
