It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
