Already got asked if we're dating
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
