if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i've created a new STD.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
