its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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