Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
