...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
