Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
