But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
