the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
