Screwed.edu
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
