the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
