Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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