If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
