i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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