AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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