Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
