I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize