dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
