Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
