did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
