Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
