I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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