Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
