yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
