I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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