I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
