What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
